From Insanity To Infinity…

I return, after a wearisome half year. There is naught that will induce me to undergo such an intense, insane epoch, which lasted from the completion of my Seventh semester exams to the completion of my Eight semester exams. A medley of actions, inactions, emotions, disinterests, joys, sorrows, tranquility, anxiety and etceteras. That about sums up the time I spent, and I say it was worthwhile, even if it was taxing on the mind.

There were many Hurrahs! and Alas! and to my relief, on retrospection, I find more of the former than the latter, though I wouldn’t have bet on the same during the period. Matter of factly, the past four years have been strikingly similar to the recent half year. They mark the four most interesting years of my life, the years of erudition, in the field of Mechanical Engineering. I say interesting, ’cause naught will fit to explain the fast paced completion of the ironical yearning for knowledge. Yearning it was, that caused me to enter the stream four years ago. The yearning self extinguishes. For now. Till morrow brings a new stimulator, and the cycle begins afresh. Insanity it is.

Weird. I was of the inclination that after the elated feeling of freedom from studies and exams that I’d experienced after the last of my Engineering exams, I would write pages and pages about the so called ‘torture’ or ’struggle’ that I’d endured during the education period. Yet I find, after a week of mentation, that everything that had passed, was as it was meant to be. Of course I could have done much better in exams by studying better, or attended more college, or done a score of other stuffs which would have benefited my life, but couldn’t things have gone for the worse too? There were times when the life-ladder might’ve crumbled. I shudder at even the recollection of those times. Now that it is over, I feel a sort of sadness, as well as insecurity about the future.

What the future brings, I am ready to face. I have chalked out several career paths, all of which are among my interests. It is an advantage having multiple interests, though prioritising them can get difficult. Hence I only await my final year results and my Graduate Certificate in Mechanical Engineering from the well esteemed Mumbai University. I herewith transit from a phase of insanity to a phase of incertainity. Let us see what the future beholds…

Some Old Pics (1)

I thought I’d begin with a picture of my faithful Rig. This is what my work area looks like when I’ve messed it up! Right now its in a better state. This pic was taken way back, in the first quarter of this year, and at night, with the flash of my Cellcam on. Hence the blurred appearance.

And here’s a nice picture of a surprise visitor to my room! I think he was trying to change the song that was on repeat (Chopsuey by SOAD) *Somebody please change this frikken song, I’m losing my feathers!* Hehe…

Here’s a pic of my friendly neighbours, the pigeons, strutting about on my window ledge. They keep me company when bored. And they keep the maid busy by shitting all over the place! (Thats a one way reflection coating on the window, so I see them, and they don’t see me)

Some of the plants on my window ledge, the only way to have greenery around in a concrete jungle… Very soothing.

Closeup pic of one of the pink roses. It came out surprisingly clear for a cellphone camera!

Them are the other common neighbours, the Mynah. They’re usually found in pairs, muttering in sweet voices to one another, and admiring themselves on the mirror…

And here’s a pic of the blooming White Roses. Beautiful…

P.S. It takes ages to upload pics for me. I got a shitty net connection.

De-mystified

Well, I just went through my Blog stats and found out how my hits suddenly boomed from about 2500 to 5000. It seems I have written something useful in my blog after all! (albeit with some external reference) I received about 2000 hits for my post on Diwali! This over a span of 4 days, and a record of 592 hits on 8th of November! Well, I’m not a religious person at all, but I do enjoy festivals! And Christmas is soon approaching…

Have tweaked about a bit with the blog, and will now upload a few of my old photos taken using my faithful Sony Ericsson k750i Mobile Phone Camera. It’s quite amazingly clear for an integrated and interpolated camera. I will hopefully be getting the better cousin SE k810i soon, so might put up even more clear pictures (though not as much as a stand-alone digicam). I’ve always favoured an all-round device, instead of carrying about separate gadgets for each function. Cellphones are replacing standalone gadgets as more convenient devices for the casual user. I thoroughly enjoy my cellphone!

b’XЯΔ←

Owing to the thought of impending examinations, my mind had, betwixt yesternight’s slogging session, lapsed abruptly into slight chaos. Fearing absolute and imminent aberration, I immediately decided to temporarily stop further pursuits in Finite Element Analysis et allies, and to undergo a complete alteration of habits for the day. I then hit the sack early for the first time in a month.

Observing this idea to the letter, I began by waking up much earlier than was my wont, and enjoying the dawning sunrise with a different perspective (I usually mark sunrise as a time for me to sleep during study leave). An hour’s walk in the park with Angels & Airwaves to accompany me (and isolate mentation), left my mind blissfully (and my limbs literally) numb.

It was intensely cold for the season, and as I took no precaution, found myself partially frozen when I returned (though I must say, I loved every moment of it). I also had some fun between my walk in front of a meager, crude fire lighted by one of the park’s guards for some relief. I amused myself by having a brief chat with the old chap. He was evidently pleased, though quite wary (my appearance isn’t appeasing, as I have mentioned earlier), at having someone to talk to.

Having accomplished the usual morning rituals, I then took the sturdy old car out for a spin (literally), and had another hour of self contentment in the almost empty Western Express Highway, and in some grounds I’d discovered earlier this year which were suitable for semi-stunts. Ran a few errands for me mom too.

Then I glanced over the papers (which I seldom do), and then decided to decode a program, which is to appear in the exams almost certainly. I’d promised a friend explanation of the program as soon as I’d grasped it, so I had him call me after a while, and over a lengthy conversation, managed to do so. It seems I’ve still not lost contact with programming, despite a lapse of about a year and a half since my last program. Fait accompli, I enjoyed an hour of watching a live Cricket telecast with me pop (a test-match between two friendly neighbours - India and Pakistan). India had had a great start, but had, as often, failed to capitalize on the opportunity. Well, sports is quite out of my horizon, so I won’t dwell on it.

After a few more telephonic conversations, I busied myself in arranging my room, and rearranging my wardrobe and books. Found plenty of weird and odd stuffs I’d gathered and forgotten over time (an egg shaped pebble, a self-made slingshot, a USB Vacuum Cleaner! (I never even knew I had one!) my old Green Brigade Bronze medal, a Nepali Rupee, my first pair of glasses, a broken african musical instrument, and some old school photographs to name a few). Also found one of my old journals, which I used to update quite regularly, and keep conspiratorially concealed. It was quite interesting, and amusing to read about my earlier misadventures. Felt a kind of pride too, at being an efficient writer, if not a flamboyant one. May put up a few quotes, or passages eventually…

The task took up remainder of the day, as I have quite a collection of study books, CD’s, magazines, novels, files, and an enormous tangle of wires (which took me half an hour to unpuzzle). After finally completing everything, I looked around with some satisfaction at my well ordered room (which would last in this condition for about a week at most). The evening I spent with the family, and on my comp, and I finally sat to write something interesting about 2 hours ago. I’ve just begun on a bit of prose, that I will not post until next year (that is Jan the First of 200 . I have not decided how it should proceed, and have just written a few pages… Will see what the next melodramatic mind musings might make.

And so I end a day not unusual in itself, but just out of my ordinary routine. I find myself completely relaxed and sufficiently invigorated to now continue my exploits in understanding (or trying to) the subject of my first exam, which is scheduled to be on the 5th of this month (more precisely, 2 days away). I feel glad on having written something on me blog, like I had in my journals. In future it might bring a smile to my face while reading, just as the journal had today.

It’s about time that I started adding pictures to my blog. I might do so in the near future. Will start with some older ones. Looking forward to blogging asap…

ΔRX’d

A superfluous interruption I make in the peaceful slumbering and anti-netting that I have been undertaking for the past few months. This is just for primarily indicating that I’m still alive and generally in well being.

The few changes in the blog, style, title et cetera portray the level of sane insanity that my mind has been reduced to owing to the rapidly approaching examinations. Though I must say that I have nerves of steel! (Which unfortunately is Indian steel, and is as adulterated as everything Indian is) Ehh, thats that, and I shan’t elaborate.

Also evidently seen is my not so very recent infatuation with the symbol Δ. No, I didn’t mean the triangle, but the Greek Capital alphabet DELTA, which has replaced the actual word. (All hail Delta!) Times change you know… (*Who the hell moved ma cheese!!!*) Ahem…

Mind remains as unbalanced as before, of which I’m quite satisfied. I’ve been growing my hair for over 3 months now and I am glad to announce that I resemble my ancient ancestors (the Neanderthals) more effectively as of today, albeit much to the dismay and horror of my dear mother. It proves highly efficient in warding off strangers, in gaining instant attention when required (and more so when not required) and in frightening little kids. Statutory Warning - Do not try this inside your home.

My blog stats show me more than 5000 visits. I am truly dazzled to know how the counter could make such an error! Pre-hibernation stats indicated just about 2000 visits. I really wonder as to how many poor souls have undergone the torture of reading my lamentations.

And now that I’ve made my point, and reproduced whatever I had stored in mind to this more obtuse form, I shall take leave, from myself, and to them wanderers who unfortunately stumble upon my facsimile.

A New Life, A New Leaf

I am feeling wonderful today. Those of who know why, will understand the extent of my relief. For those of who do not, leave it at that… I’ll cut the kwap to : “I’ve got a new leaf, a new life, a new hope, and a whole new beginning. Time has come for some changes in my life.”

Although I cannot completely deny that I’ve been expecting it to happen, or that it was indirectly foretold, in a weird sorta manner, I was expecting the worse. No more on this front…

Now, I’ve already changed quite a bit in the past few months. Become more sensible, integrated, and essentially thoughtful (not unnecessarily so). So with this in mind, I hope, and am quite confident that whatever I undertake will be successful. I also profusely thank all my dearest friends who’ve been extremely supportive and helpful in many different ways.

Now, emotional sentiments (?) apart, my poem (which I honestly declare to be written in a sudden “spur of the moment” situation, and to be a part of my indirect harbingers of hope), was seemingly undecipherable to many of my friends (to all of them, I ain’t no great poet or philologist). Only Phoenix seems to have understood it. I dunno why others cannot. It’s simple enough… Like Phoenix said, it is an Allegory, in which I’ve symbolised certain abstract words, indicating different aspects, as animate beings. Abstract being animate (more or less human).

Now as for the meaning, the title is in itself self-explanatory. The poem is about Re-awakening. And I have used first person. So it means (hypothetically) that I am dying, physically dead, and in a mental turmoil, fighting for survival. The situation that leads to this condition is perspective to the reader. My struggle for life begins with a shudder (again perspective), which I’ve personified. Now it gets a wee bit weird. The poem then signifies the mental struggle I undergo, seen through me being a third person. Time indicated is fictionary (in my poetry case, I’d say 5 mins), as anyone who’s been through such struggles will acknowledge that I haven’t been exaggerating.

In the poem, I never lose hope (which is personified as my ally). I fight for my survival. I fight against death. I fight for my reawakening. My second chance at life. I succeed. I triumph in my emotional struggle. I am reborn. I accept physical pain as a mere scar of the victory of my battle against death. It is not a poem about pain or suffering. It is about how we should accept pain and suffering. It is not about me, but from me to everyone.

Now for the weirdest twist. I had intended to write a poem of hope. Of how one should never lose hope, keep fighting, believe in yourself and accept troubles and obstacles (any) as a test of your abilities. I could not find a better way to do so than to actually personify death and indicate troubles as doorways to death. Shudder is the indication of trouble, of tests. Every obstacle, every trouble, every test is what I’ve represented as that which kills me. I fight against them and conquer them. I do not lose hope when I face difficult problems. Pain is the outcome of defying death. Pain represents the labour and effort taken to overcome obstacles. Reawakening is the step beyond. The bliss of achievement. That “New Leaf” feeling. Until the next obstacle…

I suppose I’ve just made it more unfathomable by attempting to explain what I’ve written! I had a lot on my mind while writing Reawakening. I still have a lot on my mind. Readers can always interpret poems in their own ways. I always enjoy doing so…

I welcome my own Reawakening today. I look forward to the next Death…

P.S. All the hearty hopes and philoshitical ravings apart, I am jolted back to Earth by the harsh prickling sensation in me eyes. Oh yeah, I gots the conjuctivitis. Forgot about it for a while (a while too long). Now I’m crying like a baby again. (Ahem, I mean, my eyes are watering of course… *Waaahh!!*). Oh and I look amazingly dorky sporting two pairs of glasses you know. *Snorts*

Reawakening

REAWAKENING

Shudder hailed me that moment.
I felt her immaculate bearing.
Shudder indicated to wait;
I restlessly awaited her.

The wait was pertinacious.
I followed Shudder to Storm.
Storm raged with docile fury;
I avidly overwhelmed her.

Unlocked the path to Pool.
I meandered towards her.
Pool gazed with esurience;
I reluctantly entered her.

Pool was sated with Emotion.
I vainly struck out at her.
Emotion smothered Mind;
I eventually acceded to her.

Mind helplessly drifted.
I seized her from Emotion.
Thoughts beckoned from within;
I desperately searched in her.

Pain, Darkness, Light, Life.
I sifted through them all.
Death was ever evasive;
I frantically dogged her.

Death gradually lost pace.
I overtook and grasped her;
Death shielded Heart dutifully.
I delicately reasoned with her.

Patience paid us a visit.
I hailed her with gratitude.
Hope swore me allegiance;
I serenely welcomed her.

In eternal time, Death conceded.
I won Heart over, thanked Death.
Life came forward with anticipation;
I wilfully placed Heart with her.

Mind made peace with Emotion.
I left Pool with justified haste.
Emotion sent Pain as companion;
I apprehensively led her.

Storm stepped away with indolence.
I approached Shudder with gusto.
Shudder smiled sheepishly;
I knowingly winked at her.

Shudder opened the gates.
I saw Body in deep slumber.
Pain peered wryly at Body;
I quietly awakened her.

Mind embraced Body, Heart had Life.
I was at peace, alive, reborn.
Pain entered Body with obligation;
I thankfully accepted her.

 - by Rahul R.

Back

Pradx has started writing some kind of a novel, or short story, whatever it be. He has just put in Chapter 1, but it’s a pretty great start. This kind of made me feel ashamed for being so lazy so far.

I start off again this blog with the acquiescence that I’m a poor blogger. I shall probably remain so for a long while. I shall not now put up my private life here, but whatever I feel I need to pour out of my mind. This blog shall be my basin of thoughts. Only mere glimpses of my own doings shall be put, when I need to keep my mind at rest.

I do not think that I will be able to post regularly, though I can ensure an occasional post worth reading. I have already begun on a trifle which I shall put up as soon as possible. Do bear with me and my eccentricities.

Busy

Have been busy in the past week. Nothing special, just the usual college stuffs. Cultural fest and tech fest is going on in me college. I’m not any part of it though. Not because I’m not interested or am against them, just that I can’t resist staying home for 3 days if I don’t participate. I also have a lotta writing work to do (Submissions again! GRRR!) And me pop’s given me some errands to finish.

By the way, me family returned home safely on the 18th evening as planned. The funniest thing was that me pop has gone and grown a beard, and I couldn’t recognize him at the airport! I was just wondering who it was that me mom was talking to! It was the first time ever that I saw me pop with a beard. Felt weird. I keep bugging him about it. Feels good. Hehe.

One more major thing. Our class is finally going on an Industrial Visit (IV) TO KERALA! How weird! I’m going to my own hometown after 4 years, and that too on an IV! Weird. So yeah, I’ll be off gallivanting in Kerala for a week (IV is just for namesake, it’s more like a holiday). Will be leaving day after morrow, and will hopefully return by the 31st, as scheduled.

P.S. There is a fly in my room. It’s really annoying me. I nearly broke my glasses trying to swat it. Grrr!

Blast From The Past (Part 2)

Now, the vacations were as all vacations should be. Relaxing. Although I had planned a few activities, I did none of them. Not even blogging. The usual holidays stuff happened, nothing much eventful (I can’t seem to recollect any if there was).

The only thing worth saying is that I gotta new Cellphone. My old one was a Nokia 3300, an amazing but ancient MP3 player phone. Had it since a year and a half. Longest ever. So I went shopping for a new one, and after much confusion and profound thinking in my brains, I got the Sony Ericsson k750i for a change. I didn’t go for either the k790i since it only supports 1 GB expandable memory (which, by the way is quite expensive too - M2 Micro Memory Stick), or the Walkman phones as their Camera is not as good as the k750i.

I had intended to buy a Nokia N series phone, but due to different problems with each, and for a change from the “Nokia” tag, I went for the SE k750i. Also got the Walkman earphone, and a 2 GB MS Pro Duo to enhance me phone. The camera is amazing for a cellphone. I will be attaching photos taken, now and then, so you can see for yourself.

Oh I also managed to upgrade my firmware with the w800i series, so I have the Walkman player in my k750i! The 2 GB card works well, if you take good care of it. The remainder of the holidays was spent in attempts at photography, having fun, and getting my projects to a better state.